🏴☠️Dogbert's Marketplace
An online marketplace for dumb criminals. Parody. Obviously.
“I started an online marketplace for dumb criminals.” — Dilbert, April 2, 2014
⚠️ PARODY — this is a joke, not a real marketplace.
Based on the April 2, 2014 Dilbert strip where Dogbert starts “an online marketplace for dumb criminals” to steal their bitcoins. Nothing here is real.No goods, no payments, no custody, nothing to buy. Every listing is an obvious gag, and the whole bit is that the “store” openly admits it's a scam. Prices are in the fictional $BertCoin. You will be charged $0.00 and receive $0.00 worth of nonsense.
🏴☠️ Today's Definitely-Not-Contraband
connected via 1 (one) onion 🧅 · anonymity level: your mom knows · escrow: held by a dog
Slightly Used Ambition
vendor: @RetrievHer · verified by nobody
Pre-owned, low mileage, gently disappointed. Ran great in Q1, hasn't started since.
Extremely Legal Documents™ (Comic Sans notarized)
vendor: @NotaryPawblic · verified by nobody
So legal. The most legal. Notarized in Comic Sans by a dog wearing a tiny hat. Not admissible anywhere.
A Second Moth
vendor: @LabradorkLabs · verified by nobody
You already have one moth. Now you can have a second moth. MothLabs-adjacent. Batteries not included, moth not guaranteed.
One (1) Rug, Pre-Pulled
vendor: @ShihTzuOfTheDeal · verified by nobody
Why wait to get rugged later? This rug comes pre-pulled for your convenience. The floor is included at no extra charge.
Bag of Magic Beans (Solana Edition)
vendor: @JackRussellRusso · verified by nobody
Plant them overnight and wake up to a beanstalk of pure regret. 400ms finality on the disappointment. Fully non-nutritious.
Invisible NFT
vendor: @GreyhoundGallery · verified by nobody
You can't see it. Nobody can. That's the point. Right-click and save absolutely nothing. Provenance: a dog said so.
A Bridge To Nowhere
vendor: @CorgiConstructs · verified by nobody
Cross-chain bridge with one (1) chain. It goes from here to slightly-over-there and then stops. Tolls collected by Dogbert.
The Last Braincell (shared)
vendor: @PoodleOfWisdom · verified by nobody
Timeshare on humanity's final working braincell. It's your Tuesday, 2–4pm. Please return it in the condition you found it.
Everything above is fake. On purpose.
No real goods or services are sold, listed, or linked here. This page can't take payments or hold funds. It's a comic bit about a 2014 Dilbert strip. The only real thing in the Bertverse is the world's oldest crypto joke, $BertCoin — shipping actual software, 12 years late.